On a more positive note....

So yesterday's post was a little bit of a downer (at least for me...).
It was an honest & heartfelt post and this one will be too.

Today I had one of those days that I just could just sit & stare at my kids.
I'm just so in awe of them.

Not because of anything special that they did.
Not because Caleb brought home an awesome report card.
Not because Jenna gave me tons of kisses today.
Not because I get several "I love yous" out of the blue.
Not because Caleb tells me all the time that I am the best cook.
Not because Erika loves doing girly things with me.

Simply because they are mine.

All mine.  (Well I suppose I have to share with David)

God gave them to me!  This really is my life.  They really are mine.

Wow.  Such a special treasure I've been entrusted with.

Do you ever have days like this with your kids?

Thank you God for these special gifts you've given me.

May I never for one minute take them for granted.

Desires

I have this desire.

A desire I've had for a LONG time.

I long to have four kids.

I know that I already have four kids.

But I don't have four kids that I can love on and take care of on a daily basis.

This isn't how I wanted my four kids.

I want them all here.

The other day I randomly read someone's blog who is expecting baby #4.  She's suffered many miscarriages and knows the pain of loss.  And yet I was jealous.  She's going to have four babies to hold.

It's clear that I'm still essentially mourning the fact that we are done having biological children.

Please don't get me wrong....I am MORE than happy & blessed with the three beautiful children that I have.

It's just becoming more & more real feeling.

I'm starting to accept that 3 is my number.

(We are most definitely open to adoption, however it's not something we are pursuing at this time, I still kind of feel like I'm up to my eyeballs in poopy diapers & dirty bottles)

Five Question Friday!!!

It's FRIDAY!!!!  For this week that means spring break is almost over.  Hallelujah.  Just kidding.  I've had a great week with Caleb home, but I think he is ready to be back in his normal routine.  We have nothing terribly exciting planned for the weekend.  The kids are going to spend the night with Gma & Gpa tomorrow night and we're going to watch a movie with friends.  And I'm making carmel corn.  But don't tell the kids.  They will want some and I don't plan on sharing! 

Since I contributed to this weeks question list for Mama M's 5 Question Friday, I decided it would be good for me to participate.  Plus David is home right now and he's on baby duty.





1. Have you ever testified in court? For what?
Nope, never!!!  I hope it stays that way!!!!
2. Do you still have your wedding dress?
YES, I do.  I actually asked this question because I'm always wondering if a lot of other girls still have theirs and what they've done with it.  I never had it cleaned or anything.  It just hangs in my closet.  I should probably get it cleaned & then get a nice box to put it in, but I have heard too many horror stories of people bringing their dress to a cleaner, having it boxed & sealed and then YEARS later open it only to find it's NOT THEIR DRESS.  I would be devistated if that happened, so that likely is the reason I haven't done it!! 
3. Is there a special place you like to go when you're happy, sad, stressed, etc.?
Sad or stressed....far far away from people.  I am TOTALLY an introvert so being alone can completely revitalize me.
Happy...hmmm, like extra happy?  I'm a pretty happy person so I don't do anything daily when I'm happy.  If something special were to happen and I'm overjoyed....hmmmm.  Gosh, I should be able to answer this.  We like to go out to eat to celebrate stuff, but lately we've been eating out too much so that wouldn't even be a treat anymore. 

4. If you have kids, do they sleep with you? If you don't have kids...will you let your kids sleep with you when/if you have them?
Yes, I have kids.  No, they don't sleep with me.  My husband has said from day 1 that our kids would not be sleeping in our bed.  It's worked out quite well for us.  Our kids are excellent sleepers who love their beds.  I think the most important thing is that each family does what works best for them.
5. Do you watch late night TV?
Not usually.  The only time I'm really into late night tv is when I have a newborn.  If I have to be up anyways, then I watch tv.  But now?  Nope.  The olders two are in bed by 7:30 and the last few nights, Jenna has been following suit!!!!  It's been wonderful.  I have an hour or two by myself (or if David's not working, then with him) plus I get a full nights sleep!

Kid logic

I just love how the brain of a little kid works.

We were coloring when Caleb said "mom, I used up all these yellow markers."

Me: I guess we should throw them away then.

He replied with "but then we wouldn't have any yellow markers"

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Jenna's Hospital Stay

(Just so you know....this post will probably have more details than you care to know, but I want it all written down before I forget!!)

Sunday February 20th:  We had all had colds for a few days, but Jenna kept getting worse & worse.  That morning David stayed home with her from church.  She slept the majority of that day.  Only drank 10 ozs, didn't have any significant wet diapers and was just plain miserable.  Her breathing was shallow & fast and she had a fever of 102.1  After I figured how much she had eaten that day and counting her breaths (like 75-80 per minute) we decided she needed to be seen by a doc.

After being parents for over 7 years we had our first visit to the ER!  Can't believe we escaped it for that long!  Of course it would have to happen the night of a huge snow storm!!!  I think it snowed over a foot that night, I don't remember though, I just know it was a lot. 
They got us in to the ER pretty fast.  They don't mess around when it's a baby who isn't breathing well.  We checked in, sat down, started taking Jenna out of her carseat and we were called back! 
They checked her weight (fully clothed 16lbs 14ozs!!!!) and then asked all the normal questions about what was happening with her.  Then the nurse did her vitals.  Oxygen was 84% and heart rate was 205-215.  The nurse did really good at being calm, but when she called to get a doc in there right away I knew we were staying.  They did the nasal test for RSV and it came back positive.  Then they took us to xray so they could do a chest xray.  Have you ever seen the contraption they put little kids in for a chest xray??  If not, just look up "pigg-o-stat" and you'll see.  The technician said they actually want them to cry because they get a better picture of their lungs when they do.  Jenna cried for maybe 20 seconds.  She just didn't have it in her to cry or care.  My poor baby. 

 We were admitted shortly after the chest xray was done as her RSV test came back positive.  These pictures were all taken with my cell phone, so they aren't the greatest.  She was pretty pale and lethargic. 

Monday, she was still pretty miserable.  When the doc came around on Monday, they talked about possibly needing an IV for fluids since she wasn't drinking much.  After listening to her lungs she decided to take another look at her chest xray and she determined that she definitely had pneumonia!  After that there was no question....she was getting an IV.  They used it for fluids and meds.  By that evening her o2 needs were much less, but she still needed a little help!  At one point she ripped off her tube and was playing with it!  Little stinker!  She was able to keep her o2 level up, but her rate went up too which indicated she wasn't quite ready to be without the extra help. 

(the pic of me & Jenna is courtesy of my sister in law)

 On Tuesday she was still on oxygen, but was starting to eat!!!  We gave her pedialyte with one of her regular bottles, instead of the ones from the hospital and that seemed to help.  She's a smart cookie & knows what she wants.  I finally was able to get out of the hospital for a little bit on Tuesday!  I went home to shower and it was great.  Once I was back I decided Jenna needed a bath too.  Our wonderful NA helped us, and while we were doing it Jenna ripped off her oxygen tube.  We kept it off to see what would happen and she did perfect!!!  They wanted to keep an eye on her though while she slept to see if she would stay stable.  AND SHE DID!!!  I was so ecstatic!! I knew we'd be out of there if she stayed off the oxygen all night & we were!!!! 

You can see how she is doing now:

Playing and happy as can be!!!

A special thank you to Jolene for taking my kids overnight, visiting us & brining mama some food!  I won't mention that a nurse asked if she was Grandma.  That would just be mean of me.  Love you!

Thank you to Jodi, my sister in law, for bringing dinner for me!

Thank you to Liz for taking Erika on discharge day & for dinner.  You made our day so smooth and we are extremely greatful!!!

Thank you to our extremely thoughtful friends who brought Jenna flowers. 

Thank you to our church for providing us with a couple of meals & sending a few pastors to come pray over Jenna.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for our sweet girl.  She recovered fairly quickly and none of us went crazy.....absolutely a result of all the prayers.  When I sit & think of all the people who prayed for her....I get completely overwhelmed.  Amazing.

Meet Carter!

If you follow me on twitter or facebook you may remember a few weeks ago when I had said I had the most amazing experience of being in the delivery room with my cousin.

What an honor it was to be there with her!  This is her first baby and she only pushed for 45 minutes!  All of my babies were born by c-section, so this was the first time I had been part of a natural delivery!!!
Amazing.  It almost makes me a little sad that I never had the opportunity to deliver naturally. 

Here he is!!

Look how HUGE Jenna looks next to him!

Jenna of course wasn't with me during the delivery, but we went back up to the hospital that night to visit again.  Carter & mommy are doing good.  Oh and he was born on his Grandma's birthday!!!  How cool is that!  A little while after he was born my cousin handed him to Grandma & said "Happy Birthday Grandma".  Precious memories for sure!!!

2011 Update!

I set some goals for myself this year, here they are again:

1. Give up pop.

2. Try one new recipe a week!
3. Learn to knit.
4. Take a family vacation! I'm praying it will be Disney, but we'll be happy with Wisconsin dells.
5. Blog more regularly!
6. Finish my year long Bible reading plan.

And now here's my update for each:

1.  Give up pop. Well....not so great.  I went 28 days without pop!  Which really is a HUGE accomplishment for me!!!  However the weekend we moved I just couldn't do it...I NEEDED a diet coke.  So I caved.  Now we are not drinking pop M-F and only letting ourselves have it on the weekend.  My dr. said it's a good idea to give it up over the course of a year to have the best results.  So I'm happy with our progress.  We don't drink NEARLY the amount of pop that we used to. 

2.  Try 1 new recipe a week.  Yeah...not so great.  I tried a recipe to season ground pork to sausage.  It was really good, except a little too salty.  I also tried a new chicken pot pie recipe.  So I technically have tried 2 new recipes.  Only 50 to go!!  I'm a little behind but now that we are settled in our new place & we are on the road to being healthy I'm ready to get going on this one!

3.  Learn to knit.  DONE!

4.  Family vacation....originally it was going to be Florida or Wisconsin Dells.  That has completely changed now!  We are going to CALIFORNIA!!!!!  A good family friend (who's more like a sister) is getting married on the beach in San Diego in May so we are all going!!!  I was the only one who was going to go originally but we decided to do our family vacation there!!!  I am SO excited!  We'll be booking everything within the next week or two.  We are going to spend a couple days in Los Angeles and then head down to San Diego!  Universal Studios, Legoland & Disney are all on the agenda!!!! 

5.  Blog more regularly!  I'm hoping to get better! We are getting a laptop next week which will help.  I can blog & watch tv at the same time.  Also, I have decided to do Project365.  Basically you make a point of taking a picture everyday and I am going to try & blog it everyday too.  Might end up being more of a weekly recap in pictures, we'll see.  Either way it will help me blog more often!

6.  Finish my year long Bible reading plan.  I am behind...quite a bit actually.  However I am getting back on track and should be caught up by the end of this month.  I have read nearly 20% of the Bible so far, and that is an accomplishment I am really proud of!!!


I am hoping by next months update I will be doing much better on all of my goals!!! 

Five Question Friday

Five question friday!!!!  (except it's now Saturday.)

It's been ages since I've done this so I thought I'd join in the fun this week!!





1. Have you ever forgotten your child in a store or at school?
I don't think I have....if I have then I've completely blocked that from my memory!!!
2. Where did you go on your very first date? (Like...first first, not first with your spouse or current significant other!)
Seriously?  NO CLUE!!!  Is that bad??  I do remember my first date with my hubby, and that's really what matters right?

3. What's your "silly" fear? (We're not talking water and heights.)
Hmmm, not sure I have a silly fear.  Bugs & mice.  But that's not silly.  At least in my mind.  :)
4. Confrontation: do you cause it, deal with is as it comes, or run far far away?
Oh man, I run as fast as I can as far far away as I can.  It's probably something I should work on, but man I do NOT do good with confrontations AT ALL!  If I have to confront someone it takes everything in me not to cry.  Even if I'm angry.  I cry.  Like when we were in the hospital with Jenna last week (blog to come about all that, I promise!!)  we had a HORRIBLE nurse.  I mean horrible.  And I said something to our nurse the next day about not wanting that nurse again.  That day nurse was THE BEST nurse and she did nothing wrong but I seriously had to work myself up to saying something all day!  And then I got nervous.  Ridiculous!  But I got it all out, said everything I had to and I did it without crying!  AND THEN the charge nurse came into our room later that evening to get some feed back from me and it took everything in me not to cry when I was telling her about the bad nurse.  Totally caught me off guard and I didn't have time to prepare myself for it.  Dumb right.  I know. 


5. Wood floors or carpet?
Our current house has mostly carpet!  Brand spankin new carpet.  Including the dining room.  Seriously....who puts brand new carpet in a dining room???  Maybe in 1980 they did that, but now?  No one.  Well except our landlord.  A previous house we lived in only had carpet in the basement.  Everything else was wood floors.  I loved it, with the exception of the bedrooms.  Getting out of bed to step on wood floors in MN in January...brrrrr!!!!! 

I just have to brag..

So my hubby has waited a long time for a new tv. His patience has paid off. He got a bigger tv than the one he was looking at last year for the same price!

But here's the bragging part....he converted our entertainment center to work with the new tv! It only took a couple of hours and saved us a couple hundred dollars! He's so talented and continues to amaze me with what he is capable of doing!!!!   

(both pics were taken on my cell....not exactly high quality!)

(also...please know that I'm not bragging about our new tv!  I was more than happy with our old one.  Hubby was not and worked VERY hard to get a new one!!!)

Conversation with a 4 year old

Tonight as I painted Erika's nails we had a nice little conversation.

"when I grow up can I get married?"

"absolutely. You just have to find a man who loves Jesus & you with all his heart"

With a puzzled look on her face she asks "why can't I just marry daddy like you did?"

"because mommy is already married to daddy" I said, fighting back tears.

Then she hits me with this:

"well can I wear your wedding dress"

My kids are so sweet & so good at making me cry.

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Family dinner

"I feel like we should eat at the cemetery for this to be a REAL family dinner" -Caleb

Seriously, the kid knows how to melt my heart & make me cry.

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2011 Goals

No I don't have two thousand and eleven goals. 
Just goals for 2011! 

I posted a few weeks ago about my goals for 2011, here they are again:

1. Give up pop. 
2. Try one new recipe a week!
3. Learn to knit.
4. Take a family vacation! I'm praying it will be Disney, but we'll be happy with Wisconsin dells.
5. Blog more regularly!
6. Finish my year long Bible reading plan.

Here's my update for each:

1.  I have not had ONE SINGLE SIP OF POP since NYE!!!!  I am so incredibly proud of myself!!!  It hasn't been terribly hard since we drink coffee & get caffeine from that, but there have been a couple of days that I wanted to give in and get a pop.  My kids were definitely bummed that we aren't drinking pop (not that they drank it regularily, but every once in a while)  but we have decided that each of us can have one can/glass of pop on our birthday.  I may or may not even have some on my birthday, we'll see.  It'll probably taste nasty to me anyways! 

2. I am still planning to try 52 new recipes this year, but have decided I'll just have to double up some weeks later on in the year.  We are moving next week and I just don't have it in me to try new recipes right now.  Once we are all settled in our new place (that has a bigger kitchen!) I'll start on this one!

3. I tought myself to knit!!!!  Can you believe it???  I hardly can!  I'm working on a scarf for Erika.  I've got a good start to it, but again...we are moving next week.  I haven't had a ton of down time (besides who has down time with a needy 4 month old!) but I can say I have really enjoyed the times when I've been able to sit down & knit.  My only regret....not learning sooner!  I think of all the times that I was sitting in dr. offices and the hospital when I was pregnant with Jenna....man I could have had scarves for all of us finished!

4. Family vacation....we've started looking and pricing things out.  Everything really depends on our tax return!  Hopefully I'll get them filed shortly after we move!

5. Blog more regularily....I would say I'm not doing horrible.  This post will be the 4th this month and considering we are moving next week (do I sound like a broken record on that one yet?) and I have a needy 4 month old...four times this month is pretty darn good!

6. Finish my year long Bible reading plan.  I am almost 13% through the Bible.  I'm ashamed to admit....this is probably the longest I've EVER lasted on a Bible reading plan!  However I am determined to make it all the way through!!!  I'm only one day behind right now, but I'll be caught up by tonight!  I have an app on my phone that lets me check things off as I go and tells me what % I've completed.  I really like it.  It's nice to see that I am making progress, which helps keep me motivated!!

I'll check in again next month with another update on how I am doing with my goals! 
Did you set any goals for yourself??  How are you doing?

I just had to edit this and add....this is my 200th post!!!!

Thumb sucker.....

Cute now.....not so cute when shes five! I'm working hard with the paci, but the little stinker spits it out to suck her thumb! This girl is trouble! But I love her, thumb sucking and all.

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Two boys and two girls

The other day I was at the store with the kids and the cashier said to me, "oh wouldn't that be cool if you had another baby and it was a boy. Then you'd have two boys and two girls."

This is not the first time someone has said this to me.

Nor is this the first time I've had a little battle in my head on how to handle it.

On one hand, I likely will never see this girl again. On the other hand, Dylan is my son. I love him so much and he deserves to be acknowledged. Is it wrong to just blow off the cashier? Is it wrong to not mention Dylan?

While I'm having this 10 second battle in my head Caleb says to the cashier "we already have two boys and two girls in our family. One of us just isn't here because our brother died."

One of us. My heart swelled with pride when Caleb said that.

And then only as Erika can do, the awkwardness was lifted when she said "yeah, Dylan's at the military now. I mean the, the, mom, what kind of tary is Dylan at?"

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2011 is here!

Wow, hard to believe 2010 has come and gone! We hoped and prayed for two major things in 2010: a new job for David and a baby! God blessed us with both!!!

2011 will no doubt have its ups and downs, but we look forward to what the new year holds for our family.

I have set a couple of goals for myself for 2011. I'll share them with you, so I have some accountability!

1. Give up pop. (so far today it's been easy, I still have coffee for some caffeine)

2. Try one new recipe a week! There are a few I'm already eyeing up.

3. Learn to knit.

4. Take a family vacation! I'm praying it will be Disney, but we'll be happy with Wisconsin dells.

5. Blog more regularly!

6. Finish my year long Bible reading plan. I started a month ago and so far I'm doing great.

Hope you have had a great start to 2011! I'll try to update once a month on the progress of my goals.

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Christmas Cards!!!

Make The Mantel Christmas 5x7 folded card

Create unique Christmas cards with Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Just a test

I got a new fancy schmancy phone that I can blog from. I just wanted to try it out.

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Jenna's 1st Christmas Card!

(sorry....it's not actually here....)

I'll be ordering my Christmas cards from Shutterfly this year, which is a first for me!  I'm excited though!  I heard about Shutterfly's blog promotion and decided to give them a try! Shutterfly is giving cards away to bloggers! Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly! You can sign up here: http://bit.ly/sfly2010

There are so many to choose from, I am going to have a hard time deciding!! 

This is the 1st one that stood out to me. I love the simpleness of it. Retro Christmas

I like the simpleness of this one too: Starlight Snowflakes

I really like this one too, I like how many different pictures you can use:  With Love Blue Christmas

See why I am going to have such a hard time picking one???  But I better get on it soon!  December is upon us which means Christmas is just around the corner!  Good thing we are getting family photos taken in two days!  Once I have our pictures back then I'll have a better idea of what kind of card I want! 

So what about you?  Which one would you choose?  Have you already printed your Christmas cards??  If mine are late or barely on time this year I have a VERY good excuse.  Her name is Jenna.  And I want her 1st Christmas card to be perfect!

There are so many other great photo gift ideas too!  I could get a coffee mug for the grandparents!  Or a calendar!  Or I could REALLY be on top of my game & order Mothers day cards!!  I had never thought of doing that before, but it's a great idea!  What Grandma wouldn't love to receive a completely personalized card including pictures of their adorable grandkids??

Now I'm off to figure out what in the world we are all going to wear on Friday for our pictures!!!

Thankful?

This time of year is a time to sit and think of all the things you are thankful for.  Thanksgiving is, oh what would you say, tainted for me.  I know I'm not alone either.  There are plenty of hurting families this time of year.  Reality is, there are hurting families every day of the year, but it just seems magnified when it comes to a Holiday.  A true reminder that someone is missing.

So Thanksgiving, a time when we celebrate not only thankfulness, but also Dylan's birthday....am I thankful?

Am I thankful for Dylan's life?  Yes, absolutely. 

Am I thankful for Dylan's death?  See that's where it gets tricky. 

If I could change the outcome would I?  For sure...but I can't. 

So instead, I choose to be thankful.

I am thankful that Dylan is a part of our family.

I am thankful that God chose me to be Dylan's mommy.

I am thankful that my kids are proud to have Dylan as part of our family.

I am thankful that I have 3 healthy kids when I thought having more than 1 would never be possible.

I am thankful for the family we have become because of Dylan.

I am thankful  for God's promise that He will never leave us or foresake us.


This Thanksgiving, no matter your circumstances, choose to be thankful.

The Apple Orchard

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately....I'm sure you understand.  And if you don't, well then you've never had a newborn.  :)

A few weeks ago we took Jenna on her first trip to the apple orchard.  The one that we always go to is closing this year, which is really sad for us since we loved it there!!!!  We'll be on the hunt for a new one next year!  We may just have to visit a bunch of them to find the perfect one!  Here are a few pictures from our trip!

 My cute little apple pickers!

I love the look of apple trees.  I just think they are so beautiful!

Miss Erika....she's getting so tall!

The sweet reward of their hard work picking apples!!

 I am SO happy with how this picture turned out! 

I got good smiles from both kids, the baby isn't screaming and the tree in the background just looks perfect!